My new vision for America...
1) No more labels or party affiliations. We are one country, so stop trying to cleave us in two or three or four. We're all just Americans with suggestions now.
2) I will establish one-term limits for all Presidents, Senators, Representatives, Governors, Mayors, Assemblymen, Councilmen, Commissioners and the like. You're big boys and girls now. You get one shot to have your say and do what needs to be done (and this rule may be amended in time, by vote...IF you do a REALLY good job.)
2a) You know what? No more Congress. I will form a new "Chamber of Progress" and reduce the size of the legislature to only four gentlemen/gentlewomen per state, regardless of that state's size or voter base or influence. There will be no aisle, and you'll have to sit next to and have lunch with someone new every day.
2b) No more Speaker of the House, no more Majority or Minority Leaders, no more Whips. From now on you just raise your hand if you have something to say and you say it quickly and succinctly. And no one's allowed to interrupt until you've had your say.
3) No more free funding for elections. If you want to serve that badly, you just go out and get people to support you on your platform and ideas alone. Further, ANY campaign contributions shall be taxable on BOTH ends -- the giver (corporate or individual) loses the tax deduction and you have to claim all that money as income. Ain't nobody funding the rest of the country to apply for jobs.
4) No more PACS or lobbyists. The whole lot of you are still just Americans. The greater majority of the tax-paying citizens of this country can't afford to purchase influence, so you won't be able to either.
5) It will now be illegal for any politician at any level of government to bad-mouth any other one, in any forum, no matter who they are. Either YOU have a message or you don't. No need to sling mud because someone thinks differently than you do. Any infractions will be punishable with stiff fines and/or imprisonment (and possible spanking).
6) All future legislation, budgets, cuts, spending and taxation will be voted on by the American populace. We'll have votes every month if we need to, but there will be no more Progressional voting behind closed doors.
7) I will see to it that the Office of President concentrates only on Domestic policy and no longer be troubled with matters of Foreign policy. The Secretary of State and his/her staff will now be titled The Secretary (and Department) of Let-Me-Take-Care-Of-This, and given all the rights and powers necessary to do his/her/their job.
8) A professional team of provably successful economic advisors will take over matters of national budget, national debt, taxation and banking/investment regulation and all related fiscal decisions under a newly formed Department of You-Don't-Know-What-The-Hell-You're-Doing-So-Please-Get-Out-Of-The-Way.
9) The EPA, NIH, CDC and NASA will simply do their scientific jobs, staffed entirely by SCIENTISTS and without the influence of corporations or the Chamber of Progress.
10) The US Military will stay out of politics and do their job PROTECTING AMERICAN SOIL. Neither the President nor the Chamber of Progress will attempt to make our country the World Police or the Womb of Democracy. The Armed Forces may, however, respond to the call of the United Nations or NATO to join coalition efforts if approved in a vote by the American populace.
11) Supreme Court Justices -- you are now one and done, so show up, pay attention, stop arguing, stop being so damned wordy and work faster to clear your docket. Any and all legislation regarding the general populace and its civil or human rights will be subject to a national vote.
12) USPS -- you may not raise rates on postage ever again unless the populace first approves of it. Your argument that e-mail is stealing your business away automatically negates your argument for more funding. Oh! And you WILL stop wasting our/your money by delivering unwanted, unnecessary junk mail and sales flyers immediately. No one ever looks at that stuff anyway. If Americans want sales flyers they can be found online, in any newspaper or at the front door of any store.
12a) Just to clarify if it's addressed to NEIGHBOR or CURRENT RESIDENT or bears no address whatsoever, that means "junk."
12b) Go ahead and cut out Saturday delivery, and Tuesdays and Thursdays for that matter. No mail is THAT important.
13) IRS -- you may no longer conduct audits of tax returns and threaten the public with liens and garnishments without first conducting an interview with the taxpayer in question.
14) FDA -- you will no longer approve any drug for market if said drug is more rife with warnings than benefits. Further, you will allow no ingestible substances to be imported from China ever again. If we need it that badly, we'll make it ourselves, domestically, without poisons.
15) SSA -- if you f*ck with American's money ever again, under any circumstance, you will, personally, be subject to fines and or imprisonment. And stop f*cking with the retirement age, too, while you're at it.
15a) And going forward, if even ONE American is denied what he/she paid into Social Security when their time comes, you will be required to start paying out from your salaries, those of the Office of the President and the Members of the Chamber of Progress to make up for what is missing from the coffers.
16) The NEA will now be melded into the Department of Education, staffed exclusively by equal numbers of educators, artists, musicians, writers, dancers and actors. And the Chamber of Progress shall have no power over its mission or funding.
17) Anyone legally capable of consensual sex, without regard to procreative ability, shall now be allowed to marry, share health benefits, enjoy equal legal rights, and file under all appropriate tax laws and stati as anyone else -- men to men, women to women, dog lover to dog for all I care. Any human's sexuality that is not harmful to another is no one's business anyway.
18) Any person applying for U.S. citizenship will be allowed/required to do so on the day they arrive on American soil, so long as they have a job and promise to pay their taxes.
18a) Anyone failing to work or pay their taxes will be promptly removed to Canada. And, stop whining already, every American (regardless of ability, health or education) can do SOMETHING for the betterment of society.
18b) All unemployed/semi-employed/under-employed people will be paid a reasonable, LIVABLE rate of unemployment benefits whenever necessary and no longer be judged ineligible because current wages from a paltry part-time job (that they were LUCKY to have landed in the first place) exceeds the formerly-determined amount of possible benefits.
19) Any student with a federal loan who earns more than one failing grade per semester will be cut off and required to do a two year tour of duty in the military.
20) A new Department of Quitcher-Bitchin will be established to monitor and deal with any and all talking heads, news programs, radio shows, churches, mosques, temples, dinner tables, cocktail parties and social networking sites which promote, encourage or engage in political infighting. Such behavior shall be subject to stiff fines and/or imprisonment (and possible spanking).
Lastly, I promise to take only $50,000 in pay, travel commercially (and as seldom as possible), opt out of access to Presidential entertainment and discretionary accounts, be my own secretary, conduct my own news conferences, write my own speeches and personally cook for my family, dogs, friends and at least one Member of the Chamber of Progress every evening.
Vote Me For President in 2012
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